I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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