god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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