apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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