I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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