I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
