don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
