let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
