Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
