omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
