Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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