i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
