Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
