Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
