I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
