every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
handjob tips. give me some.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
