1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
