So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
