you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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