I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
