I'm going to jail i love you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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