it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
