In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
