I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
