i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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