no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He shit in the fireplace
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