Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
