I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
