I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
