you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
