But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
