what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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