They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
