wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
