We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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