Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
