I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
