I accidentally had phone sex last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
