I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
