so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
