There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
