this beer tastes like vomit already
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
