i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
