If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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