ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
