They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
