Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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