I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
