i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."