Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight