Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.