I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
