I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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