Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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