Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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