i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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