your parents love me but you hate me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
