i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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