I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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