so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
