there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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