Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
