And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
