Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
