just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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