I am puke
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
