just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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