i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
