She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
