he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
