??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
