i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
