Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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